what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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