yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
