you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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