what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
