And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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