You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
