Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
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Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
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Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize