Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My vagina just recognized that song.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
