He disabled his match.com account in front of me
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
