Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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