Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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