he wants to bone in the snuggie
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
