What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
