I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
