I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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