I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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