no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
