I am puke
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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