Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
