I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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