no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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