The maid of honor just puked.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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