I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
