You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We talked him into tasing himself.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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