i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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