Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
