so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
