dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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