sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
