Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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