Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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