Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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