thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
