He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
whose parrot is this?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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