Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize