I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
