Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
In other news, I just burned my penis
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
