I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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