The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Dignity is for republicans.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
