Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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