Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
