Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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