that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I intend to get homeless drunk
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
