Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
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I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
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I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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