her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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