You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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