sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
