i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Randomize
