Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
