i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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