Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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