alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
false alarm, still single
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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