dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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