Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
