You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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