I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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