we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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