just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
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I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
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P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I need to sanitize my soul.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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