my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
