My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
